236,160 minutes ago the UCL in my left elbow was torn.
36,160 times to relive the experience.
6,160 push ups, pull ups and weights lifted.
160 (plus four) days of therapy and rehabilitation.
60 minutes until I find out if I can compete this season.
6 minutes on the mat is what I have worked for.
86 miles round trip to practice.
186 days until the start of the season.
9,186 more pull ups, push ups and shots to be taken.
59,186 times to believe in myself.
259,186 minutes until I step up higher on that podium than you.
How do I measure victory? One moment at a time.
Today I had a phone interview for a sports blog. I was ready to answer questions about my journey in wrestling, including my injury. I was even ready to answer questions about school and how I manage my time. I did all of that and more. So what happened? The reporter asked me what my favorite movie was and I drew a blank.
What's my favorite movie? Nothing came out of my mouth. I have lots of favorite movies. I love action and adventure movies. I enjoy crazy comedies. Scientific movies are intriguing. Why could I not think of one single movie title?
The answer came to me later that day. I know movies add relief and balance to life. When I'm talking about wrestling though, there is only one movie on my mind. It has no title, and the ending isn't written yet. That is the movie that constantly plays in my head.... a story about my road to the top of the podium.
That's my favorite movie.
My 2011 folkstyle season is over and my 2012 freestyle and Greco seasons are uncertain. On November 8, 2011, I suffered an injury during wrestling practice. The injury to my elbow is a complete tear of the UCL and a partial tear of the common flexor tendon. I am doing physical therapy now to build strength and surgery may be in my future.
This past month I have had very conflicted feelings. I have learned many things about the people around me and myself.
Actions really do speak louder than words. The people who have helped me the most are the ones who have talked to me about anything, not just wrestling. They include friends like Caleb, Justin, Brianna, Dylan, Haley and Christina. They appreciate me for the many things I am beyond being a wrestler.
Saying “I’m sorry” matters. It may seem like simple words, but it is so much more than that. It is an acknowledgement of your actions against another. It is the first step in changing the behavior of the person saying it. Without those words, they will never truly change.
To triumph despite obstacles is the greatest achievement. My eyes are firmly set on the international team qualifier in May. To participate in that will be an accomplishment.
I see what they mean when they say ‘when life gives you lemons, make lemonade’. I hope that this injury will not prevent me from wrestling in the future because I love the sport so much. I think this is a good opportunity to help others realize that anger and carelessness have no place on the mat. I'm not sure how I will share that message, but I am going to try.
No one thing defines you. I am blessed to be intelligent and motivated to become a physician. This injury hopefully will not limit those choices in the future.
Thank you to everyone who has lifted me up in word or deed this past month. Please continue, and if you haven’t – please start. I will need the support of everyone to heal.
The last lesson I have learned from this experience is -
Revenge has its place in life. As Marcus Aurelius said – “The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.”
There is a phenomenon called digital courage. It occurs when people are more willing to be outspoken or opinionated in text messages or on social networks than they would be in person. People are under the impression that they are less accountable for something that is not said directly to another.
On the wrestling mat, and in life, digital courage is not enough. Real courage builds character. Real courage allows two people to disagree and learn to compromise. Real courage places a priority on that moment and value on the people involved in that moment.
Do you have the courage to stand face to face with another person for 6 minutes? It is not a comfortable place to be. If you want to grow as a person, you have to leave your comfort zone. Come stand in the circle and face me. Talk to me without technology. Be there, with me, win or lose, for the whole 6 minutes.
What is courage? It is discovering that you may not win, but you will keep trying even when you know you can lose.
Do you have courage? Try it. I'll be there too. We will be better wrestlers, and people, when we practice real courage.
The language of victory is not words. You have to be willing to step into the circle if you even stand a chance to win. You must be willing to take the risk.
You think you can win through empty promises and pictures of the past. All that matters is this 6 minutes. Genetics and brute strength may help you feel powerful. Training may have given you a few skills you can use. Championships might boost your confidence. In reality though, nothing from the past will help you push through the agony that awaits you. Triumph is expressed through actions.
Your attempts to prove your significance are not fooling me. I know that your words are empty. I know you have played while I have worked. I see the choices you have made. I have worked and trained for this victory. I'm ready to meet you head on. I have renewed the fire in my soul through blood, sweat and tears. I’ve grown weary of you and I’m done playing your game.
Step into the circle with me. I will show you how hard work and determination triumph. I have nothing to lose. You have everything to prove. Welcome to my world.
As I start the season, my goals are clear in my mind. I know what I consider valuable. I don't see just tomorrow, I see a road to years to come. I see a future. I know there will be success and failure along the way. I am not afraid to work hard. Are you? I could use a worthy opponent, someone who will be a part of the journey. The work will be hard but the benefits will create a life of value. The decision is yours.
"It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are." Roy Disney
I am beginning preparations for my 2011-2012 season, and I have had the opportunity to reflect on the many people, businesses and organizations that have supported me throughout the previous season. These are some of the many accomplishments their support helped make possible –
· 90+ matches (March-June 2011)
· 68 Wins
· Member - Cadet National Team – Florida
· Member – All-American Team Clay – Scholastic Duals at Disney
· Visit to Olympic Education Center in Marquette, Michigan - home of the US Olympic Greco-Roman Wrestling Resident Athletes
· Training with Olympic champions Ben Petersen and Jim Gruenwald
· Selected Athlete – 2011 edition “The Best Athletes in AAU”
Wrestling has taught me the meaning of determination, passion and true strength of character. As wrestling programs in northeast Florida are being cut, I am particularly thankful for the support of sponsors who believe that sports are about more than just winning. Your dedication to my success is more valuable than gold.
While I'm at Cadet Nationals, there are lots of thoughts going through my mind. Here are a few -
- I really love wrestling. I feel at home on the mat.
- There is nothing like the feeling of trying something and it works!
- These guys are true friends. They are from all over the country and we may not get to see each other a lot, but we understand each other and support each other.
- I am making my list of things to work on. It gets longer by the day!
Some people search their whole life to find something that will make them happy. They look for a constant state of euphoria. They think that true happiness comes and stays forever. They imagine a life that is carefree and laughter, but cannot obtain that. They don't understand why the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence.
I know why. Technically, when you look at grass from a distance, it does look green. When you stand on the grass you can look down to the roots and dirt. That isn't attractive, but it is necessary and it is real.
Wrestling (and life) is like that for me. There are times that it looks like a lot of fun when you are looking at it from a distance. In reality, it takes work, dirt and sweat. These things aren't fun, but they are necessary. I've learned that fun, and success, comes in short intervals, surrounded by lots of hard work and effort.
Want to be happy? Enjoy the moment for what it is, not what you think it should be. Don't lock it up in a looking glass. Learn to play in the dirt and like it. Laugh and let it go. You will look back and see true happiness because you won't see the dirt and work anymore. You'll just have the memories, the roots, the happiness.
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